Ginger

Did some channel hopping a few mins ago and got to see a prog on BBC3 (also available on line) about peeps who had ginger (not red ) hair. The guy making the show was a red head and he followed the red/ginger route. It boils down to how do you see gingers, do you see them as mingers or peeps with different coloured hair than yourself?

For me... I like the colour RED. My eldest niece is a red. Short but red and we all love her for being.... herself. And red, not strawberry blonde!

I myself have a red beard, well I would if it wasn't Grey. I got "male pattern baldness" at 21 ( I blame the head gear the navy make you wear), so now the only hair I can grow on my head is on my face and instead of being brown as is all the rest, it is red except when it is being grey. Does that make sense?

In fact, my first memorable kiss with a girl, was near my grandparents and if I remember aright she lived opposite, was a few years older than me, had a mop of red/ ginger hair....

....AND I LOVED IT!!!


Look, if current data is to be believed, the reds have only a few more generations left before the genes are bread out and we are all either black or white. How crap will that be?!

Ash, this ones for you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg7Xh0m_Oco

He obviously uses both platforms to have done what he did.

That's so good I'm off to watch it again.

Chin Chin

BLOODY SOFAS?

Did a bit of shopping today and things didn't go as I expected them to, nothing new there.

Here's what I wanted:-

• A pair of shoes
• A pair of approach shoes
• A belt
• Two pairs of jeans
• A back scrubber
• small plastic food containers (x3)

Here's what I got:-

• A belt
• Food containers (x3)
• and a sponge on a stick

Not a bad outing for one of my shopping trips, I once went out for a loaf, some marge and a block of cheese. I came back with a huge tv (in the days before 50" plasma), a VCR, a DVD player and two movies. So no cheese on toast with a mug of steaming hot tea for me that night.

I got the belt from the shop I will be getting the jeans from (next Saturday). I know what you're thinking. "Why don't you go somewhere else?".

A great Idea, but you see this guy sells jeans that aren't hand stitched by angels using gold thread instead of cotton, no he just has the regular sweatshop type and so doesn't take the piss with the cost of a pair of jeans. I can wait a week.

The food containers where a complete no brainer, Wilkinson's, find shelf, grab the amount, pay, leave, mission complete. Hurrah!

I didn't know that back scrubbers had been outlawed. They must have been because I visited all but two shops that would be likely to have them (yes those two probably had a sale on, buy 1 get 6 free), but those shops where too far to walk to ( the other side of Birkenhead precinct for woolies and boots). Look its hot as hell, the place is packed to the walls with morons who don't look where they're going and have no idea of what they want or how to get it. I had already been there longer than I like (total time 1.5hrs) so yes, too far away! Hence the reason that I ended up with a pink sponge on a pink plastic stick, it was pink or nothing, pink it was.

I've just used it and it is PANTS! With a capital Arse!

Now for the footwear. Forgive me if you've read this or something like it before on my blog.

I wanted a pair of approach shoes, you know the sort of thing, its a cross between a walking boot and a trainer, Very comfy for walking about in or so I'm told (thanks to D and K for putting me on to them). It would seem that I will have to wait a while longer to find out just how comfy they really are, as I will have to get them on line, the reason being is the one shop in Birkenhead that sells such stuff and the like couldn't go any larger than a size 12(UK), that's only two sizes smaller than I need them. Damn, damn, damn, DAMN! So no approach shoes for Ed.

Well I can't fail on the shoe front, not at Barrats. Well Duhh! But these guys had a catalogue and told me to pick the ones I wanted from the mutant range and they'd get Camel Lairds and Swan hunter's to build me a shoe each. delivery target date is this coming Tuesday. Watch this space, but for Bob's sake don't hold your breath, I've dealt with these clowns before, they have a 70% success rating when dealing with me.

But what's all this got to do with sofas?

Well that was the title of a deleated entry that never got to see the light of Blog sphere. I was all angried up by a salesmen coming to the house to see if I'd like double glazing, (pause while I turn my head to look at my lovely double glazed windows just sitting there and gleaming after having just been washed. I'm obviously being confronted by an idiot here.). Said fool then informs me that he is only canvasing and should I agree the company will send a salesman around sometime today.

That's when I came up with the new game (pat pending) of salesman baiting. They drive all the way over (in this fools case from Chester) and try to sell you something that they can quite clearly see you don't need, phase 1 in full swing.

Phase 2 is to make he fool work it out for himself that you don't want his firm's tat and that he has just lost xHrs of his life talking to a complete bastard! Ha! Depending on how long you want to drag this torcher out is up to you, for brevity I would recommend offering the victim no tea or coffee etc, and keeping your responses to monosyllabic grunts. If on the other hand you have more time to kill ask the fool to go over certain aspects again and again, maybe offer the fool supper, it's up to you.

Phase 3 is the sorry sack of crap leaving your property in the clear and undeniable knowledge that:-

1. He'll never get that time back.
2. He'll get no commission for that mornings/afternoons work.
3. That home owner is a complete Bastard.

There are only 3 phases to the game.

Anyhoo, that was one of the reasons it never got posted, well actually the real reason was the fact that the language used was not that of a gentleman and would have made a docker blush.

Still no sofas Ed!

I'm just getting to that.

I want (family recon it's NEED) a new 3 piece for the front room. So on line I go. What the F*&K!

Whatever happened to a sofa and two chairs? It would seem that we now have to have twin sofas one a 2 seater and the other a 3 seater with the final member of our trio being a recliner. May I just say again, what the F*&K! How big do they think the front room in an average semi is?! (for my American chums a semi is a semi-detached house as opposed to a terraced house and not a great big truck pulling an articulated load).

So after visiting 5 sites for such things to sit down upon I was finally angry enough to post a foul mouthed rant. Half way through though, I realised it was ruining my evening and reinforcing the bad memory so I stopped ranting and deleted the entry, just as well really as you can make yourself ill like that you know.

TTFN

Updated profile...

My profile now reflects my good self more accurately.

Yipee!

Lunacy at tea time...

Hello chums.


It's been a while since I last left something for you all to enjoy, the reason is that I have the attention span of a four year old who just eats blue smarties and drinks only jolt. The upshot of this is that when I do go on line I either trawl the blogs (because there are a lot of "interesting" peeps out there), then there is the odd bit of online shopping to be done ( the last thing I got was a years subscription to the cartoon network!? I miss the Ed's) and finally I've discovered online radio and television from all over the world (that was an eye opener and no mistake!)


But now to get to the reason I was forced to end the drought and actually write something.


It comes in the form of a very stern warning!!





IF YOU SEE THIS ON THE SHELF IN A SUPERMARKET...

LEAVE IT BE! RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!

DANGER WILL ROBINSON!!!

I clapped eyes on this little gem while shopping in the local Asda, read the label and thought to myself, "yeah, right!".

It's been my experience that labels on tins that claim to be hot are just hot air and wishful thinking on the part of the company who made whatever is in said tin, so I snagged me a tin of the chili and thought that'll do for when I can't be arsed to cook. I'll just pop that in a pan heat it up and have it with a couple of slices of wholemeal as dippers, job's a good'n.

A plan with no drawbacks. You can be forgiven for thinking that, because you're not in a self induced chili HELL!

It burns! IT BURRRNSSS!!!

I can feel it dropping thru me like a hot knife through soft butter. It burns (and not in a god way) when I burp, which I find myself doing even more of than normally.

It was so hot that I (thankfully) couldn't finish it and as you can see in the next photo I needed more than my normal 1 sheet of kitchen towel...

... actually there should by rights be another damp ball of tissue in the pic, but I used that one after I took this pic.

Those that know me will tell you that I can handle hot spicy food and that I make one of the best chillies that you would ever likely have. But what came out of that tin was nasty volcanic, bowel rending,arse shredding chili death. I could feel the blood pounding in my left ear as my BP shot off the chart and I found myself thinking that if I was foolish enough to try and finish this muck, then there was a fair chance that I would stroke before the final mouthful. I am NEVER EVER, EVER, GOING TO DO SOMETHING AS STUPID AS THAT FOR AS LONG AS I LIVE!

and this time I mean it.

The shine has been taken away...

I was going to bang on again about my new stuff.

I can't. Not after the few blogs I've just read , most concerning themselves with the shootings in the Vtech college.
Something like that just sucks the pleasure out of everything.

See you all soon.

Things will have to change...

I'll keep the more lighthearted title and just say,


1000111010010001000111101010101001,1111110000010000011110010210,00010111110001000111000100010001001

BLOODY GREAT BIG TELLYS...

...are ab fab. Mine arrives on Friday, I'm so giddy with anticipation that I could shit!

Also got the enhanced DVD [SONY HDMI] player. Had a play with it on the current telly and good lord it was like looking at the difference between VHS and DVD and that was just thru' the scart connection, can't wait to see what it looks like when the new TV arrives and I use the correct ports and leads, leads got and on standby. The difference must be because all my previous DVD players have cost about 5s each.

50" of pure plasma pleasure awaits, mmmmm.

This is what is going to happen on Friday evening once the kinema is set up.

1. Mobile phone off
2. Land line unplugged
3. Door ignored
4. Huge amount of booze on standby
5. Large pot of popcorn at the ready
6. And finally all three lord of the rings films*

* only the good bits, otherwise it'll take too long, other films to see you see.

Mum and Dad got a copy of Casino Royal the other day but couldn't get it to play on the DVD player in their front room but could get it to work on the crummy little portable combo in the back room. I suggested that they come up to mine on Saturday and watch it after tea, as they really should watch it on a slightly bigger screen that a 14" portable. Haven't told them of the new acquisition, going to leave that as a surprise, we'll even have an intermission.

Hurahhh! For enormous TV's

{that's not enormous transvestites you understand}

Photos, phots everywhere, but not a one on show.

Latest gadget was a digital photo frame with a 7" screen. The resolution is not what I expected, but it's good enough. Now if I can just persuade it to play video like it says on the box I'll be a happy little camper, it even plays music while it cycles through its pics, neat (but cheesey). I've just dumped a load of pics onto a memory card and put it in the frame and just glimpsed out of the cornner of my eye a pic of myself from 23 years ago, scary. Now I remember why I don't like having my pic took, even then I looked like crap.

Nephew is coming down tomorrow, so it looks like we'll be eating out while shopping for useless shiny gadgets, that normally happens when he calls. Or option two, I could make a huge pot of chilly. Or option 3, we could go out and get the huge new telly that I've promised myself (flat panel and not under 42"). All 3 look just as good.

Does anyone know if you can get an enhanced DVD player? That sort of makes the picture quality a bit better when viewed on a hd TV (is that even possible?). As I'll be damned if I'm going to replace all my films again, it cost a small fortune to make the transition from VHS to DVD.

Got to dash. Oblivion. Enough said.

TTFN

ps.
A big hello to D, K, A and S

small

Just went to "ex-veggie-craving chicken".
Some sort of forum for ex-veggies.
Damn, well made, put across and much funnier than mine.
that's why i'm #2.

However it still didn't tell me why I had so much pleasure eating barely cooked bits of DEAD COW!!! the other day.

Dipsolushious vacation, Hurahh!

Just a couple of things to say and those of you who I'm asking this of will know who you are (does that make sense?).

Ahhh! So that's a pantie girdle?! Good gods that looks 1. uncomfortable and 2. a right passion killer (unless of course your name is Quagmire).

Remind me again why you would want to knit a foot thong, let alone wear one. It would appear that we are indeed two peoples separated by a common ocean (thank Zarquon). Oh come on! We all know what a "normal" thong feels like* so why inflict it on feet. What have they ever done wrong? Pretty colours tho'.

Look lady just get a damned BB gun for that troublesome squirrel, problem solved. I did and can now open the blinds on the french windows without the worrying intrusions of those tree bound perverts.

one last thing to OLPP. Do you pay for your blog? 'cause yours looks far cooler than mine.

*I wore one in the early eighties for a while, I honestly don't know what Mr P.Stringfellow sees in them. Nasty bum floss.

RIGHT! NEXT!

How's my what?! Uvula!? I thought that was in the outer Hebrides, either that or south of a ladies bellybutton. (read that last bit again but with Stewie Griffin's voice)

Lovely photo, but was that the pic of a healthy one or a swollen one?

It would seem that your trip to the cinema was very similar to my trip home the other day, sans kids. Yes it is very upsetting needing to visit the smallest room and not being able to, due to one reason or another (in your case the "ape squad").
There I was on the train from Euston to Lime street, it has 8 carriages, four of which are first class and the other four are standard class. I was in standard class along with the rest of the population of London, while first class was occupied by the four members of staff, two business men, one hippy who got an upgrade on line 10 months ago and a scally pushing his luck.
But here's the rub. I've been busting for a pee since Watford junction, but I thought I'd be able to go on the train from London...
WRONG!!!!!!!!!!
The reason I was wrong was because of the population of London getting on the train, a broken loo and the fact that if I left my seat to go find a loo that worked I would have become one of the growing number of peeps that had already lost their seats by foolishly going to the buffet. Not a problem I thought, I've held my bladder in check for a royal inspection lots of times before now (said royal not inspecting my bladder you understand), (or the pee within for that matter).
However I didn't plan for the hour delay somewhere in the Black country, sitting still in the middle of a field, listening to two barking dogs (not guide dogs obviously), one screaming brat and looking at some really dull sheep. Liverpool couldn't come quickly enough (yes with an o and an e, messy otherwise).
When we did get in to Lime Street I was running, from the knees down to the taxi rank. OH! Bliss a taxi ready to go, in I get and suggest a trip through the tunnel would be good for me and the taxi. "Sorry can't talk, gotta' concentrate right now!!!!!" Was all I said till I got home, I just kept humming the national anthem over and over, imagining I was in a squad being inspected and must therefore NOT PEE!
So much time in discomfort for such a short time of pleasure. Really, you shouldn't be that blissed out on you own, there should be a woman involved** if you're going to be that happy. But gods was that pee good for me!

Right. Looking down that gob would you become A) a doctor B) a dentist or C) a tele sales clerk?

the answer is C.

Really could you do that for a living? Looking at infected gobs, ew.

** I am in no way condoning water sports you understand, neither am I not. That must be left to the individual(s).

NEXT!!!

Mid way thru' this, little sis and big bruv arrived. Lil sis whent to bed right away (she's travelling later, I would have said tomorrow but I've just looked at the clock). So myself and a gaunt "big bruv" (although since the age of 8 he's been my little big brother) had a chat. Look I know it's Lent and all that but bloody hell He's lost so much weight! He looks ill, drawn, gaunt, old!. OK it's his bag an' all that but damn! EAT SOMETHING!! Preferably with lard in it. Having said that I can understand why he is so thin here are some reasons, from my point of veiw.

• Wife was realy ill last year
• has a teenage daughter (needs to hire a private eye)
• and a four year old monster in a dress

There endeth this rant.

PPS. thanks to my lack of posts i'm now number 2 on the list when you "google" "ex-veggie", sucks!

.... so what will you do now?

Hello chums,

Today I endured the second to last trip home on the train at the tax payers expense (not forgetting I too am a tax payer).

Yes it has come to this. I left the Royal Navy today at 10:30. A 22 year stint over and done. No ceremony, no pomp, no clock. However I did get a piece of paper saying I had an honorable discharge from the forces which is a military equivalent of a piece of paper with the words F*** O** written on it.
The young and very fresh faced WREN who processed my release had to be the youngest person I have ever seen in uniform who wasn't a cadet!
Young as she was she was efficient, knowledgeable and very professional (as I would expect) and she only forgot one thing, my warrant home. 9/10. However a WO1 or at least a fellow CPO would have been better, you know, make you feel missed or appreciated. Instead I got the feeling that she was thinking, "yeah grandad, don't let the door hit you on the arse on the way out".

I don't think it has hit home that I am now unemployed, maybe later.

Weired though, as I am being processed for release, who should come through for his release but my sometime boss, a WO2 called L.
Yes I know, L is not a name but I don't see why you need to know what the L stands for.

So he gets processed and then we both go for a couple of pints (yes, just two, he had shopping to do and I didn't want to visit Sheffield again). A nice chat over a drink finds out that he is working for Rolls Royce doing a job I could have done as a kilick for the pay of a WO1 and that I haven't got a job yet. Lets put that last bit into perspective. L has a huge mortgage, kids a wife and a car. I have none of those things and can therefore take a more relaxed attitude to being "made redundant".
My plan is to get a part time job in 3-4 months time while I look for The job. Does that make me a bad person? Ha Ha Ha HA!!!!

22 years ago a young man left Liverpool for a life on the high seas, that idiot became the man now typing this rot, What to do now??

I know! Get pissed and watch an endless loop of family guy, because I am the physical incarnation of Peter Griffin.

Ahh! yes. Can I just say this is the first time I've been in contact with a connected computer for some time . Posts will be more forthcomming from now on I hope.

Well maybe.

P.S. still looking for Knitting porn for my good friends OLPP and KP.