Ha ha ha tee hee

Giggle, giggle...


ho ho ho, blart, snort...


Mmwhahaha...
HA HA HA (widdle, oops)

You know what grinds my gears?

What grinds my gears is the fact that I've been eaten alive by mozies, AGAIN!! Despite having bought this piece of crap...

If you ever feel the need to get a bug zapper, don't R DON'T!! waste your money on this piece of shit, all it has done is steal electricity!
I had a look in it about 5 mins ago and I actually saw a tiny bug in it. The damn thing must have broken out of it's egg and while looking for me died in mid flight, then fallen into the zapper already dead. The thing was minuscule, if I was someone who needed glasses then I would have had to go and find them and put them on to see this expired insect.
Since I got this piece of ARSE! I now have some wonderful mozie bites, 1 on a thigh, 1 on the belly, 2 on the same shoulder (front and back) and two on my FECKING face!!!!!!(nose end and cheek)
And they're all the size of a hens egg under the skin and itchy as FUCK!

Right, I have had this device on a counter top about 3 meters away from me, sitting on the same table while I do my blog and on the next pillow while I slept. The thing may as well have been on the dark side of the bleedin' moon!
I have been bitten at least 3 times in any one session since I bought this waste of carbon. Amazon can kiss my arse over this one.

There was another thing that grinds my gears but I can't think of it at the mo, it's been banished from my mind by these bloody itchy mozie bites!

On the up side, my Glock 23f arrives tomorrow, hurrah! Yes I know , you can't kill bugs with an airsoft gun. {sound of a buzzer indicating a wrong answer} except for this fool...
Who did this from the hip...
My hero. He's also a detective in the MET, so don't have nightmares.

Itchy good night to you all.
TTFN

Wheeee! (Wii)

http://wholovesyayoutube.blogspot.com/2007/07/here-wii-go-again.html

The wedding

NOW YOU HAVE FOUND THIS POST GO AND PUT THE KETTLE ON AS IT TAKES AGES TO LOAD THANKS TO ALL THE VIDEO CLIPS AND PHOTS.

SERIOUSLY, GO AND HAVE A CUPPA OR A PINT.

Last Saturday my little sister got married. A lovely affair in a quaint country church with the reception held in the church hall. But I'm getting ahead of myself a bit.

As you may or may not know the weather here in Blightyland has been a tad damp, to say the least. Don't just take my word for it, check out the link below.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cornwall/3570940.stm

It was like that in several counties across the land which made travel from north to south, east to west and visa versa, damn near impossible. I feel sorry for the poor suckers that got stuck on the M5, it basically turned into a car park after junction 5.

Here's what happened on the Friday, the day we all travelled to Dorset for the wedding.

Big brother and his family set off at about 10am by car, in the car was my suit and Mum and Dad's stuff. So, driving like a demon of he went. They got as far as Bristol (still on the M5) when the drivers side rear tyre got a flat. Being a sensible chap Big brother called the AA, yes it is only a flat tyre but he would have been trying to change the wheel right next to traffic in pouring rain and poor visibility, also to get to the spare he would have to have emptied the boot and thus getting everything wet, let the AA do it. 8 and a bit hours later the tow truck arrives. I'd sack the AA about now.
At one point a police patrol car came along and the copper in it said that they would have to vacate the car and go up the embankment for safety reasons! However he did give them some of those tin foil blankets, you know the ones that are popular after marathons, he also gave them some yellow plastic macs with attached hoods, a bit like a poncho. There are some pics of them on my brothers phone, they all look sad , pathetic and above all soaked.

Next we come to M+D. They set off from Lime Street Station at 10:19 and all looked well, not for long.
They got to Tamworth and all was well, they had to change trains there and get a connection to Newport. But due to floods of one sort or another they only made it as far as Cheltenham Spa, well not quite into the station, no, another train had to come out to their train and come along side, once it was along side their train the doors on both trains where opened and little drawbridges (I shit you not) where lowered to connect both trains, then everybody (and their luggage) had to walk the plank from one train to the other, crazy.
Once aboard the new train they set off to Cheltenham Spa where they had to board a coach, it looked like the rest of the journey was going to be by road. Did I mention it is raining lots, all over the place? Well some roads to the south (most of them) where under water or being washed away. They did manage to get to Bristol Temple meads train station and after another long wait and misinformation by the bucket load got a train to Salisbury where they could get a connecting train to Yeovil, their final destination. We'll leave M+D at this point and see how K,M and the kids are doing.

K,M and the kids, set off by car just after lunch and all was well. Yes all was well for about an hour. Driving in torential rain and listening to increasingly dire travel and weather news, things looked bleak for their prospect of getting to Yeovil in a timely manner. Then they started to into increasingly heavier traffic, this is the traffic that is backing up and backing up due to the cars in front not being able to go forward because of the lack of river free roads. Time dragged on and the traffic moved slower and the news and weather got worse. Then it was reported that junction 5 of the M5 ( the motorway they were on) was where the traffic had backed up to, so M took the decision to leave the motorway at J4 and head north and attempt to get on an A road and maybe get around the blockage. The flooding really was quite wide spread and his attempt to find an alternate route proved unsuccessful, there was nothing for it but to admit defeat and return home and try again in the morning, time now 20:15.

Now we come to Myself and nephew. Our travel plans had us going by train at 15:30 from Liverpool to London Euston, then on the underground to Waterloo and then on to the main line train to Exeter St David's, getting off at Yeovil at about 22:30, just in time for a swift birthday pint in the hotel bar with the rest of the family. And we would have gotten away with too if it hadn't been for a pesky broken train blocking the line to London.
So now to go south we had to go north to Manchester and get a connecting train to London, this went off without a hitch except for the fact that you now have two lots of passengers trying to get on the Manchester to London train, so myself and nephew ended up standing the 4 and a bit hours it took to get to London, it should have only taken 3 and a bit hours but for some reason it was raining an awful lot and this was causing some really big puddles to form and the train had to slow to a crawl to go thru' these. Looking out of the train window and seeing the track obscured by a foot of water is a new experience for me, one I don't want to repeat. When you think that most of the track in this country is on a raised embankment between 4 to 16 foot high, to keep the track level and smooth, having a foot of water on the track gives you an idea of how bad the flooding was in certain parts of the country.
Anyway we're about 50 mins behind schedule so that has put paid to the seat reservations for the rest of the journey, damn.
We get on and through the tube with no problems but have to wait about 50 mins for the Exeter train, so we have a drink at one of the bars in Waterloo station, I had orange and lemonade and nephew had a pint of coke.
Then it was onto the train and we're off again, this time seated. We stop for a while at Salisbury so that our 9 carriage train can have the middle 3 carriages removed and then the ends put back together to form a 6 carriage train, why, I don't know. Once this baffling manouver was completed we where on our way again.
We arrived at Yeovil junction at 00:30 on the Saturday morning, a little tired and miffed as we had missed last orders, but at least we made it. We had had various texts and calls from the others giving us updates on their progress or lack of it, when they had a signal, so we knew that K,M and the girls wouldn't make it till later that day.
We had just ordered a taxi when my phone rings, I answer it and a voice says, "look behind you." I do and there is M+D on the platform walking to the exit, they had managed to get to Salisbury when our train was doing the change around. M+D had just got off their train a minute before ours was due to leave so they dashed across and got on the Exeter train just before the doors closed, they had gotten on in first class and stayed there, I can't say I blame them after the journey they had had.

Meanwhile big brother and family had two tows, one to get them off the motorway and another to get them to the hotel about half an hour before we got there. At about the same time K+M and the girls are in a tesco car park getting something to eat and looking at a load of weirdos dressed as witches and wizards as they get their copy of the latest Harry Potter book.

Gods what a day! It's just as well that the wedding isn't till 5pm.

K+M still have to get here and quick or nephew is going to the wedding in a t shirt, tracksuit bottoms and trainers.

It's 16:00 and we're boarding a coach to take us from the hotel to the church, it's a 20 min journey at warp 5. Still no sign of K+M and the girls and they're out of range for the phone.




Before I go any further I must apologise for the poor quality of the pics and video, it was all taken using my PSP.

So here we are, well most of us, at the church so I go for an explore.











I'm sorry about that last clip, it looks like something out of the "Blair witch project"

Here's the font



And here is the priest who is going to marry S+A




So we're just waiting for K+M and the girls, at this point we still have no news and nephew still has no suit, regard...



And now for what we've all been waiting for, lil sis is on her way





But wait! K isn't here yet and she was supposed to be the brides maid.
E to the rescue!


Now we can continue



If the last couple of clips a bit like stop motion animation let me know, then I'll do them again on you tube instead of photo bucket.

Right where was I...
The service is now complete and the register has been signed it only remains to go outside and have the pictures took, but oops it's still raining, so this walk past is just for show and once at the door to the church it's about turn and have the phots taken inside the church.


But wait who is this, just arrived by taxi?

Yes that's right, it's K+M and the girls.

So photos all done. And now it's off to the village hall for the speeches and the food. The village is a collection of about 8 houses and everyone chipped in to make this wedding celebration the great success it was, it looks like S+A have moved to a wonderful caring community, it's just a bit isolated for my taste, not enough concrete under my feet.
It's still raining so we get the coach there...


S+A are driven to the hall in a huge American car, one of a collection owned by one of the locals. There are some pics of it towards the bottom of the page.
But here are the happy couple entering the hall.



Nice cake, shame about the video, oops!


And finally a last look at the band and some of the peeps that I shared a table with.
Three of the women from the band played some music while everyone milled about as the photos where being taken at the church, they where brilliant, it was just a pity that the organist was wearing boxing gloves that day.




And now for the stills

TTFN

Train journey

Today, nephew and I go on a trip to lil sis's place, it's way back in the 17th century. O.K. that wasn't completely true, but it may as well be. She lives in Dorset you see and there is very little street lighting or mobile phone connectivity in the area where we're travelling to. I'm hoping to get there in time for last orders so that I can have a drink with the family on my birthday.

The weather, which of late had improved somewhat, has turned it's usual rainy self and the MET office has issued a severe weather warning for Dorset, I just hope it's only for today as lil sis gets hitched tomorrow.

All that's left for me to do before I go is to do the dishes from yesterday, feed nephew when he arrives ( then do more dishes), and get over to the train station in good time. We have seat reservations, but they're in different carriages (thanks to big sis for getting the tickets). So the plan is for nephew and I to get to the station toot sweet, get to the head of the q, and get to the train first then find a couple of unreserved table seats. A plan with no drawbacks.
We're both travelling light, just a phone, a PSP (plus charger) and a toothbrush each and in my case an electric razor so that I can give my scalp and cheeks a rub over tomorrow morning. Never wet shave on the morning of important events as drying blood never looks good on ones face when in a suit.

See you all soon.

TTFN

So it was all just a dream...

Went to sign on to day, I have to do it every two weeks while I look for work so that my national insurance stamp gets paid. Well to day when I got there I was informed that because I had missed the last date the DHSS had cancelled my claim and now I have to start again from scratch. Arse biscuits!
The thing is I didn't miss the date, I stayed up all night prior to going to sign on and it was the 2nd of July. So two weeks after the 2nd is the 16th (today), but today I was told that because I didn't sign on on the 10th they had cancelled my claim. Where the feck did the ten come from

2+14=16?

"No!! Stupid unemployed person!"
"2+14=10 gods dammit"

And of course there is no record of my being there on 2nd anyway, either on the computer or on paper. So it looks as if my unemployment officer is :-

1. A time lord with a sick sense of humour, or
2. A complete F**k wit, who hates his job and unemployed people.

Now I have a new time and a new day, it's still a Monday but a week earlier. So when I get back from lil sis's wedding in the early hours of next Monday, by the time I sign on I should look all partied out hopefully not enough to piss the office shag wit off, so that I have to do it all over again in three weeks time.
It's the way the look at you and their whole attitude and demeanour says LIAR!!

So obviously I must have gone to bed that night and not stopped up and then dreamt the whole thing, just like the Bobby thing in Dallas. Gits.

On the up side, my ultraviolet bug zapper has just arrived18:05.
So hopefully this will stop the mosquitoes around here dining out on me. I awoke last Wednesday in a very itchy hell. I had 7 bites all down my left side (two on the foot and they're still doing my head in!) and there is also one on the right side of my forehead that looks like I have a horn coming out. So the first thing I did when I got to the dining room was to turn the computer on and not go to the kitchen to put the kettle on. Five minutes later I had ordered the bug zapper from Amazon.


Just cooked up a big pot of pork stew. Took loads of pics, so later I'm going to edit them into the correct order and do my first, "Cooking with Ed" post. See you there.

Cycling

I thought that the "Tour de France" just did france not England as well.
We here in the U.K. used to have the "Milk race" and those in french had the tor d frans or something.

Ta Dah!

A little over three weeks ago Cavalier Kitchens started the renewal of my clapped out and horribly dated 70's style kitchen with it's missing doors, busted hinges, low and split level counters and a cooker dating back to the middle ages. Three weeks sounds a long time but the counter tops had to be cut to length outside, however we had a week of almost continuous rain and a slight hiccup with the tops, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

So once the old mustard coloured tiles where taken down and the wall re plastered I had to clear out all the cupboards, everything had to be stowed in the box room on the bed and on the floor.







So once everything was re located upstairs except for a few essentials





It was time for one last goodbye prior to the blokes ripping out the units







This is what the old kitchen looked like once it was ripped out and dumped in the back yard,











So after all that I had to find the dining room, I'm sure I left it here somewhere.



I was cooking with a microwave in the hall and a grill on a chair in the dining room, then once it was eaten the whole lot (except the microwave) had to by washed upstairs in the small sink in the bathroom, dried and then carted back down. What a kerfuffle.

Then the new stuff arrived







New counter tops
New doors and panels
New cooker, sink and hob.

Next it was time to mark out and start installing the new kitchen





















And then for the counter tops to go in









Next was the hob, oven and sink to be installed and the washing machine to be put into it's new home








So it was all in and I could use it, the only things left to be done where the electrics and the tiling. Just one small problem, the section of counter that the sink was fitted in was a different shade to the rest, bugger!
One quick call to the shop to let them know and they said that this was the first time in ten years that something like this had happened.(Yeah right)
They inspected the top and agreed that it wasn't the light shining on it that was causing the two tone effect, but they would have to get in touch with the suppliers and order more, causing a slight delay. Then the weather turned seriously crap and it didn't stop raining for a week but once the rain stopped Cavalier Kitchens where back on site and kicking but. Here are some more pics to look at.










Here is my old new counter tops, they had to rip out the whole counter and not just the sink section.



leaving the kitchen looking a little worse for wear and my dinning room looking like a store room again.








But all was made good in double quick time, even Mal (the Boss) came out to refit the oven and hob. Now all that was left to do was for the walls to be tiled and the edges to be sealed and seeing as that wasn't weather dependent it was done in two shakes.









Well it's now complete and I've used it and its great! I love my new kitchen. So in a few days time you'll see the first of the "Cooking with Ed" posts.












The pan on the hob is a pork curry Chinese style, not too bad, I had enough to have some for dinner and freeze two portions.

Here's what I had yesterday for lunch





And here is most of the cost of the new kitchen. It's also the most cash I've ever held in my paws. I must admit to feeling a little nervous walking to Cavalier Kitchens to pay the outstanding balance.





Now all I've got to do is tile the floor.

TTFN.