BLOODY SOFAS?

Did a bit of shopping today and things didn't go as I expected them to, nothing new there.

Here's what I wanted:-

• A pair of shoes
• A pair of approach shoes
• A belt
• Two pairs of jeans
• A back scrubber
• small plastic food containers (x3)

Here's what I got:-

• A belt
• Food containers (x3)
• and a sponge on a stick

Not a bad outing for one of my shopping trips, I once went out for a loaf, some marge and a block of cheese. I came back with a huge tv (in the days before 50" plasma), a VCR, a DVD player and two movies. So no cheese on toast with a mug of steaming hot tea for me that night.

I got the belt from the shop I will be getting the jeans from (next Saturday). I know what you're thinking. "Why don't you go somewhere else?".

A great Idea, but you see this guy sells jeans that aren't hand stitched by angels using gold thread instead of cotton, no he just has the regular sweatshop type and so doesn't take the piss with the cost of a pair of jeans. I can wait a week.

The food containers where a complete no brainer, Wilkinson's, find shelf, grab the amount, pay, leave, mission complete. Hurrah!

I didn't know that back scrubbers had been outlawed. They must have been because I visited all but two shops that would be likely to have them (yes those two probably had a sale on, buy 1 get 6 free), but those shops where too far to walk to ( the other side of Birkenhead precinct for woolies and boots). Look its hot as hell, the place is packed to the walls with morons who don't look where they're going and have no idea of what they want or how to get it. I had already been there longer than I like (total time 1.5hrs) so yes, too far away! Hence the reason that I ended up with a pink sponge on a pink plastic stick, it was pink or nothing, pink it was.

I've just used it and it is PANTS! With a capital Arse!

Now for the footwear. Forgive me if you've read this or something like it before on my blog.

I wanted a pair of approach shoes, you know the sort of thing, its a cross between a walking boot and a trainer, Very comfy for walking about in or so I'm told (thanks to D and K for putting me on to them). It would seem that I will have to wait a while longer to find out just how comfy they really are, as I will have to get them on line, the reason being is the one shop in Birkenhead that sells such stuff and the like couldn't go any larger than a size 12(UK), that's only two sizes smaller than I need them. Damn, damn, damn, DAMN! So no approach shoes for Ed.

Well I can't fail on the shoe front, not at Barrats. Well Duhh! But these guys had a catalogue and told me to pick the ones I wanted from the mutant range and they'd get Camel Lairds and Swan hunter's to build me a shoe each. delivery target date is this coming Tuesday. Watch this space, but for Bob's sake don't hold your breath, I've dealt with these clowns before, they have a 70% success rating when dealing with me.

But what's all this got to do with sofas?

Well that was the title of a deleated entry that never got to see the light of Blog sphere. I was all angried up by a salesmen coming to the house to see if I'd like double glazing, (pause while I turn my head to look at my lovely double glazed windows just sitting there and gleaming after having just been washed. I'm obviously being confronted by an idiot here.). Said fool then informs me that he is only canvasing and should I agree the company will send a salesman around sometime today.

That's when I came up with the new game (pat pending) of salesman baiting. They drive all the way over (in this fools case from Chester) and try to sell you something that they can quite clearly see you don't need, phase 1 in full swing.

Phase 2 is to make he fool work it out for himself that you don't want his firm's tat and that he has just lost xHrs of his life talking to a complete bastard! Ha! Depending on how long you want to drag this torcher out is up to you, for brevity I would recommend offering the victim no tea or coffee etc, and keeping your responses to monosyllabic grunts. If on the other hand you have more time to kill ask the fool to go over certain aspects again and again, maybe offer the fool supper, it's up to you.

Phase 3 is the sorry sack of crap leaving your property in the clear and undeniable knowledge that:-

1. He'll never get that time back.
2. He'll get no commission for that mornings/afternoons work.
3. That home owner is a complete Bastard.

There are only 3 phases to the game.

Anyhoo, that was one of the reasons it never got posted, well actually the real reason was the fact that the language used was not that of a gentleman and would have made a docker blush.

Still no sofas Ed!

I'm just getting to that.

I want (family recon it's NEED) a new 3 piece for the front room. So on line I go. What the F*&K!

Whatever happened to a sofa and two chairs? It would seem that we now have to have twin sofas one a 2 seater and the other a 3 seater with the final member of our trio being a recliner. May I just say again, what the F*&K! How big do they think the front room in an average semi is?! (for my American chums a semi is a semi-detached house as opposed to a terraced house and not a great big truck pulling an articulated load).

So after visiting 5 sites for such things to sit down upon I was finally angry enough to post a foul mouthed rant. Half way through though, I realised it was ruining my evening and reinforcing the bad memory so I stopped ranting and deleted the entry, just as well really as you can make yourself ill like that you know.

TTFN