Saw this and thought of you...

I found this on a blog called "Stuff on Fire", not a bad site, I could think of worse ways to waste an hour.

Ouch! My head...

This morning after a late night and a stupidly early start, I made my "quick and easy chilli beef" and it turned out just fab.

It's just a pity that that was as good as my day got.

After lunch, a peppered steak I had prepared, I set off to the training base place down by the docks, prepared for the riggers ahead. In my bag was the draft CV I had worked on the night before.
I walked to the bus stop that would take me half way to where I need to go, the rest of the journey would be on foot as it's quicker than waiting for the (sometime) connecting bus. I was ten yards away from the bus stop when something bordering on the miraculous happened, the bus sped past me a good 5 minutes ahead of time instead of the usual 10 minutes late.
FECK!!!
Ah well, I'll just have to pick up the pace a bit if I'm to make it on time.
I start to think about the route now that I'm on Shanks' pony, there is a shorter route and a longer route, one is direct and 10 mins quicker the other is more circuitous and 15mins longer.
The first route is quicker but goes through some seedy, run-down and half derelict dockland areas that are sparsely populated with normal decent people but densely populated with smeg heads and ne'er-do-wells intent on no good.
I was slightly late getting to class.

I handed over my CV and after some constructive critissism I was handed back "toilet paper", it could have gone worse, the "mentor" could have laughed and got everyone in the room to point at me and laugh as well. I'll re-do it tomorrow for tonight I have other plans, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Now I'm given the choice:-

1. Letter writing, or
2. Do the English and maths stage 2 mocks

Exam time it is then.
It's at about this time an impromptu party breaks out. One of the Mentors (who are all women) is leaving, she's not just pregnant, she's very pregnant and "about to pop" (her words). I seem to be the only one doing anything constructive, everyone, students and mentors alike are having cakes and juice. WTF! Are they all 5 years old or something, can't they see I'm trying to concentrate?
I know I seem to be a bit churlish, you're right, I was a bit of a Grinch. But try and see it from my point of view, I've been out of education for a looooong time now and getting what is left of my grey matter back into action isn't going as seamlessly as I'd envisaged. I mean, anyone who reads this blog will see that I have a rather tenuous grasp of the basics of punctuation and if it wasn't for the spell check function I am convinced you would all think that if I wasn't actually 7 then that at least has to be my mental age.
If they offered me cake once, they offered me it half a dozen times.
"No thank you, and I have a drink, thank you."
Then over the top of the monitor screen, I'm drawn into a conversation about what football team I support. Who is this tard? Inside my head I'm screaming "FECK OFF!!" But I politely tell him I support rugby union, he clamps up and leaves me to it.
Good, next question...

I'm now on to the maths section. Everyone else is onto the unwrapping of baby gifts.
Gods its getting worse I swear it.
Oooohh!
Aaahhhh!
Isn't that lovely...

Half way thru' the maths section I suddenly realise it's gone quiet, I look up and around me, I'm all alone in the room. At last some peace and quiet, eyes down and continue...

All hell breaks loose in the room next door, thru' the wall that my desk is next to, the party kicks off again, with new people who haven't seen all the gifts and now I hear muffled
Oooohh!
Aaahhhh!
Isn't that lovely...

A little later and I'm 3/4 the way thru' the maths. It's only "simple" stuff like percentages, fractions a little algebra, some tables work. It's not rocket science, but gods I feel like I'm trying to work out how to put the first multi national team of astronauts on Mars!
They return, "to get some work done", ha!

The conversation now turns to the more technical aspects of child birth.
EWW, EWW!

I take a wild stab at the last 6 questions, it doesn't matter as I'm over time any way, grab my bag and flee these wyrd sisters.

Look, I like women, it's just that after the conception most blokes are happy to live in ignorance of what goes on with the mother and developing child, until said sprog is born and starts to need things like changing,feeding and bathing and such.
I'm sort of like Prof Higgins from Pygmalion.

I am in so much trouble over this entry.

In the end I ended up with a massive head ache, a lack of appetite and a long walk home, the only thing missing was the rain...

I've done it at last!!!

It's 23:01 local time and I have just finished my first draft of a CV.

Hoorayyy! I'm so happy.

And it only took me 2.5 hours.

Of course I'll be sad again tomorrow when I get it checked and it gets recycled as loo paper.

Blogstalker #2

Lets get a couple of things sorted before I continue;-

1. I don't have a purse/handbag (or manbag).
2. Because I'm a bloke.

I do have a small selection of rucksacks however, but when they're not in use they're empty so that put paid to that idea.
Next I thought about my toolbox and I ask myself, how interested will a crowd of knittie heads be in an assortment of small spanners and and odd shaped bits of metal, not very.
Besides I don't carry that crap with me all the time.
So the question becomes this,

"What's it got in it's pockets, precious?"

To wit:-

one wallet
£7.30 in change
house keys
half a pack of gum
and as always seems to be the way these days, some BB's

Nothing very interesting really.
Maybe blokes should have handbags, you know, so we can lug around little nick-knacks, old dolls, first aid kits, cameras, huge bunches of keys, ration packs, note pads, primus stoves, things that make "woo weep" noises, very small churches, apples, crayons, spare huge bunch of keys, tyre iron, kitchen sink etc etc
But I'm not the one to champion the manbag I'm afraid, my wrist isn't limp enough.

"But surely you carry stuff in your wallet?"

Yes I do and stop calling me Shirley.


Just the usual suspects I'm afraid. A variety of plastic cards, some receipts, an expired video club card for a shop 264 miles to the South, some cash, a six pack of stamps (containing 2), an ear bud, a small piece of blank paper and finally a small cocktail stick.

On the up side this little exercise has given me the opportunity to weed my wallet and get rid of all the useless detritus that I don't need or use like the receipts, one of the plastic cards that has gone past it's date, the video card and the stamps.

Freshers week...

Well actually it's a fortnight at the uni that niece number 1 has just enrolled in. Yes my niece is a freshman, surely that should be freshlady shouldn't it? She's studying to become a teacher.
Those who can, teach. Those who can't go into politics.

The last few days have seen a depressed me, well only a little, because I had lost my "Armed forces veteran" lapel badge. But today I found it under a huge pile of laundry that needed doing, what a relief. I'd probably have to join a very long list to get a replacement.


Not a lot has been happening in the world of Ed this week other than the fact that I start a training course with some EU funded company that specialises getting people back to work in the public sector. They specialise in single parents, ex cons and the long term unemployed. I'm none of those things (yet), so how did I end up on their books?

Well I'll tell you. When I was signing on at the dole office my case worker (or what ever the hell his job title is), was having a problem sending an email, he wanted to make a template and didn't know how to, I showed him how and asked him if he had done the ECDL, he said he was working through it at the present. He's been doing it on and off for the last three months. I was gob smacked! I blasted through it in 3.5 days another bloke doing it with me did it in two days, he was a web master any way and wanted the piece of paper for future employers.
So his job is to use a computer and several applications simultaneously with peoples personal details, yet he has trouble sending emails, WTF!
He then suggests that I should be teaching the ECDL and puts a flyer from this training company in front of me and says that they would be more help than he could be in respect of training.
So starting Tuesday I'm back in education. DAMN!!
No more late nights and early starts will become the norm, BELGIUM!!


On a lighter note here is the t-shirt that A from down south got for me.
Pretty much sums me up in a nut shell.

(nut case more like)

PS
I've revised my last post as an apology to OLPP. Sorry K.

Thanks for dropping in...EDIT

Thank you to all those who visited the web stalker entry and left a comment, I think that was the most people I've had leave a comment. So to answer those I haven't already answered I'll "post" and not "comment"

Here we go,

WESTOZCAT:
Unless the needles are like broom handles then my sausage like fingers won't be able to manipulate them. I'll stick with experimental cookery and astronomy to fill up my non internet time.


SILLYRABBIT:
OMG! six blogs! How do you get anything done?
But as the saying goes, "praise from Caesar is praise indeed" thank you.

JO:
I usualy have to break out a spare head if I have to do grown-up stuff like seeing the bank manager, you know, boring stuff like that.

KEMTEE:
I'm thinking of trying a different colour, haven't decided on one at the mo' tho'.
I bet you have a Glock too, only yours is real. Am I right?

THE BASTARD CHILD...:
If I was going to be any kind of imperial droid I'd be R2D2 not that limp wristed, gold plated friend of Dorothy.

PENNY KARMA:
The LYS around here is very bad indeed, the one in Birkenhead closed recently but I think there's an arts and crafts shop in Liscard (keep meaning to take a pic of it for you all to enjoy). The best bet would be either Chester or Liverpool (train rides away).



One last thing afore I go.
Last night the frog's older brother tried to gain admittance to my kitchen. The biggest one I've seen in a while.

I know what you're thinking. What about OLPP? I (did not) answer(ed) her in the comments section (SORRY), but click on her link (NOW) anyway.

TTFN

Blog stalker

Who am I? Hmmm.

I sometimes wonder that myself, although not that often.

Here's a pic of what used to be my computer room and is now my junk room. If you analyse the image all that clutter is me to a T. It tells you the obvious first, I'm into computers, gaming, digital photography on the cheap, I was in the Royal Navy as a CPO, that I like target shooting and that I never read manuals.


Since leaving my last job in the military the Peacock/Rebel in me has come to the fore. I can now grow the goatee that I always wanted...
And then dye it Purple, as you do...

I ordered the dye from a place called Urbanity here in the U.K. I ordered it in the May so that I'd have it for lil sis' wedding, it arrived at the end of August. Go figure.

I got this for Xmas from a friend and first I thought "WTF!", but it works very well at taking the shine off a freshly shaved swede...
Some years back my family "bought" a star for me, and here's the deed...


Here is spare head one...
I love the concept of phrenology, imagine being able to tell someone's personality from feeling the bumps on their heads. In one of Terry Pratchett's books there is a troll who by using a rig and a selection of hammers can change your personality, if only that where possible.

The captain of the B ark said that "you're never alone with a rubber duck". I don't have a rubber duck but don't worry, I'm never alone. When I watch TV my buddies keep me company and we all love the same shows, Dougal likes the cartoons, Marvin likes the factual programmes and Mutley goes nuts for Sci-Fi...


This is one of the other friends I have, Mr Glock 23f.
There are many like him but this one is mine...


I like games and cooking and so I get to play kitchen sink jenga (cheers PK).
Here is the start of a new game...


I can believe a great many things and have done so in my time.
But "intelligent design" isn't one of them.
Go Darwin...


First in line for my favourite non alcoholic cold drink is this stuff, it's even nice in a pint of cider (just a dash)...


My next favourite cold drink is a stein of milky coffee allowed to go cold, stop going Ew ew barf.

Here is my eye on the universe, with this and given the right conditions I can view my property in the constellation of Cepheus.
Cepheus is Ethiopian for king and the constellation looks a little like a simple crown.

My latest waste of a pound...

It's a great zapper and it's also improving my serve. Hang on what does that label say?


Oh dear. I need an adult, I need an adult.

Speaking of toys, here are some of the things from my toy box that I use every day to help keep me sane...


So has that told you anything about me that you didn't already know?

One last thing, here's me on the alternate Enterpise...


Live long and prosper.

"Just give us yer F*&%*£g money!"

To quote Sir "Bob" Geldof way back in '85 when he was doing a live interview for the band/live aid gig in the old Wembley.

Well now I'm asking for you to donate some of your hard earned moolah to the Marie Curie Cancer Care charity.



K from down south is running the great south run this year (28th Oct 07) with a pal of hers to raise funds for this worthwhile cause. To this end she has set up a web page, with the assistance of JUST GIVING fund raising made easy.


If you want to make a donation to help combat this insidious disease and to help not just those suffering from cancer but their families as well, I urge you to at least visit Kathryn's site.


Thank you all on behalf of K.

Reg Charity No. 207994

Is this in poor taste?

http://urban-sniper-2.freeonlinegames.com/

No calls please...

Just been shopping and got:-

• Sin City
• A Scanner Darkly
• Ultraviolet (Milla, Mmmmmm)

I normaly leave this sort of thing to my youtube blog but it's too funny not to be shared, enjoy.

Welcome to the twentyfirst century Mr Ed...

I now have cable broadband, it's only a 2Mb connection but that's all I need, in fact it's a little too much really, after all I only use the internet to do this blog and to do a bit of shopping, it's not as if I'm constantly downloading and uploading film size files. It has no download limit which is nice.

So the line was in and active but the modem is in the front room, I need a wireless router!
"To the shops!"

I'm now back home and the front room now looks a lot geeky, there's a laptop, a router, the modem and a six-way surge suppressor.
I've unpacked the router and taken everything out of the box, this didn't take that long as there wasn't a lot to remove:-

• router
• transformer
• installation disc
• warranty
  
• and a bit of paper for American customers

Hmm? Where is the installation manual?

{looks at the wallet containing installation disc}
WTH! Where are the instructions, Oh! Wait a minute there they are , upper left...

If that's the instructions then this is going to be a breeze, I'l be back on line with the PSP momentarily.
Two and a half VERY FRUSTRATING HOURS later, fed up of being lied to by the software set-up routine and thinking that I'm in temporal causality loop I decide against getting the axe and giving the whole set-up a reprogramming it'll never forget and instead go crying to big D next door.
He explains that this sort of technology is designed by boffins with Phd's who wouldn't understand my grievance that this is all a steaming load and is harder to set up than it has any right to be. And that once they think they have it ready to go some bloke with a first in computers then has to workout how to make it easier for the average Joe to set it up at home (Netgear's bloke needs to have another go).
I'm doing stress, D turns to me and tells me to relax, to chill and all will work out.
An hour later D now accepts my feelings on the whole thing and that the software has been lying to us all this time.
We have a cunning plan, lets lie to the software and make the wrong choices.
BINGO!!! It works, I now have a fully functioning and secured wireless network.

UP YOURS NETGEAR!


So after after all that I really wasn't in the mood to cook and it's about 7pm so the choice is obvious, pizza.

I order my usual, tuna and chillies and this time I decide to get some garlic bread as well, yumm.
I use a new pizzeria, my last place have been sacked because they went lousy. Now this new place I'm using are really good and I usually order on line and sometimes when the nieces and nephew are around we'll get some pizza and they agree with me that the new place is much better than the old one. I even have an on line account with them, D down south has a well known pizzeria on his friends and family.
Anyhow pizza arrives, gets eaten, I have a couple of brews while channel hopping and then I go to bed.
This arrives on the mat this afternoon...
...and inside is the sort of advertising flyer that gets pushed through the door by either the postman or an employee of the company. They're now sending junk mail in envelopes!?
I have it!
Stealth junk!
Some people must have money to burn.

TTFN

The great plague of frog

Hello chums,
Today I finally got to de-frost the freezer, a day ahead of schedule but at least now it's done. It was about five to six and I had decided to have a couple of the cod in parsley sauce and some of the microwaveable veg from the freezer. The pan of water for the fish is starting to boil and I go to the freezer for said fishy bits and the bagged veg, it's now that I check the date on both of the packages,
"Good lord! These should have been eaten or thrown out 10 months ago!"
And seeing as I had run the cupboards down as well, anticipating a large shop after the de-frost, I had nothing to eat for tea, blast.
Quick trip to the Asda and £70 later (and that's mostly all Asda's own) and I now have a full fridge freezer and a half full tins cupboard.
I had my fish and veg for supper (18:45), yumm.

It was while I was doing the dishes a couple of hours later that I saw something small and moving fast and low out of the corner of my eye, I thought it was a leaf that had got blown in thru' the open door and so continued with the game of kitchen sink Jenga (stole that off either PK or OLPP), then I saw it again going the other way,
"That's no leaf!"
I go to look and see it is in fact a small and very agile frog/toad (I'm not sure which), I now spend the next 30 mins chasing it around the dinning room with a glass and an unopened bank statement. I would probably have used his M11.





I wouldn't mind if this was the first time the little hopper had trespassed, next time I'll have my 12 gauge handy.


The post bellow where I ask what's so funny about "Got milk?" I was watching an episode of Family Guy called the thin white line. Brian joins the police as a drugs dog, goes bad, gets a habit and it's while he's doing a line in a school toilet, he looks up into the mirror with a white moustachio and says,
"Got milk?"
And then laughs.
I didn't get it. But I do now. Cheers Ash.

Why is the phrase "Got milk" funny...

Discuss.