This is so true it's SPOOKY...

Understanding Engineers

Part one
Two engineers were talking when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, as I was walking along the other day minding my own business a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Part two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Part three
A priest, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a very slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper, lets have a word with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh yes, that's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our club house from a fire last year, so we let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment, then the priest said, "That's so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy of mine and see if there is anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Part four
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets/

Part five
The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Part six
Three engineers were discussing the possible designer of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer, The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "actually it must have been a civil engineer, Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Part seven
Normal people believe that if it's not broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it's not broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Part eight
An engineer was walking along the road one day when a frog called out to him and said that if he kissed it, it would turn into a princess. He bent over, picked the frog up and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back I'll stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back in his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I've told you I'm a princess and I'll stay with you and do anything you want. Why wont you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."