Monday, December 31, 2007

CLEAN LYRICS?! Feck off!

Unless you're the pope, budah or some other holy waste of space, you don't swear.

Now that's good, right and proper.

If however you're mortal and secular you like a bit of emotion in the songs you listen to, I know I do.

So what was wrong with the parental guidance warning on a CD or (and now we get to the root of this rant) iTunes playlist ?

I've just seen a Sex Pistols album for sale on iTunes with the banner "CLEAN LYRICS", W.T.FUCK!

Look, the only way an impressionable youngster could get the album I was looking at would be a combination of:-

  • EXTREME luck
  • Poor parental care
  • Access to mum and dad's record collection and a desire to have it on a format that can be played on modern equipment.
  • (Because smoking is no longer cool) Being told about it behind the bike sheds during playtime
  • Satanic intervention
Having clean lyrics just leaves you with an interrupted musical background to a "BLEEP" machine. It's like my worst nightmare, a phone call to my folks and having Norman Collier running the sound desk all rolled into one.

There are times when only the true meaning of a song will do and I think that Apple are rather missing the fucking point, when they will sell an album by a group called the "SEX PISTOLS" yet bleep the naughty words out, it's like closing the barn door after the horse has bolted. There are large swathes of America where words like 'sex', 'fondle' and 'evolution' will get you shunned from polite society or in extreme cases have you shot through the lungs.
So why can't we have some mild profanity (mild by today's standards) in some cherrished songs from our teenage years.

By all means protect the innocent or young from bad language but when it comes to selling me music on a credit card (most kids don't have a credit card) then I fucking expect the bloody bad language that some twats sang about almost thirty arseing years ago.

I hear the fireworks.

Happy new year to you all.

Rant over.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

Oh my god! My hands!

Yes it's late.

I'm gving my plastic a kicking on iTunes.

Waiting for some sounds and video do download and I look at my hands. Well you have to be looking at something, don't you?

My fingernails are clean and longer than they ever have been, what is going on here.

The skin on the hands is clean and smooth and a little shiny, I can see old scars as light streaks.

Holy hell! I've been unemployed for tooooooo looooooonnnnnnngggggg!

While I don't need to work, I should double my efforts to get a job. Something simple, dirty and manual. Maybe a grease monkey or tool bag carrier, or failing that then maybe a teacher and I could just kneed and squeeze grit to get my MAN hands back.

I remember serving on an old steam (war)ship and my hands were mans hands. Dry, dull, rough and a little cracked in parts. The oven mitt was a mystery to me as I could open and close every steam valve in the boiler room without a rag or glove.

Is this retirement?!! Your hands become SOFT?!!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Is this backwards compatible?

Well it better be.

Gotta get this effin Sagem 220x 'cause some wench wont take th' hint.

Oh! for bobs sake, it aint even got a camera.

Thanks to some loon, I may as well get some cans and a but load of string.

What you mean it don't do mp3!

Arse!!

Peace at last.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmas day

Merry Christmas to you all.

If you're not of the Christian faith then Merry Christmas.

If you're politicly correct then Merry Christmas.

And to paraphrase the Irish comedian Dave Allen...

"May whatever god you believe in go with you."

Chin Chin

Monday, December 24, 2007

Something something DARK SIDE something something COMPLETE.

Sorry Bezzie.

An early crimbo presie to me.

Please click on the link below just don't have liquid or food in your mouth when you do.

Link


OTHER LINK

Friday, December 21, 2007

Dipsolushious Vacation 2

That's it, I'm off till the 2nd. Yippeee!

And I've finished my xmas shopping and done the wrapping, so now all I have to do is the food and booze trip then I'm golden.
The only down side is that lil' sis wont get her gift until the new year, she's going abroad with hubby for the holiday.


I've even been to a popper traditional butchers shop with game birds hanging up. I went there with the bloke I'm work shadowing, he's a chap who likes his cooking and he decided that this year he was having Pheasant instead of turkey. The shop was preping a couple of turkeys and a couple of other big birds for an order.
They cure all their own stuff and make a range of yummy sausages. I got two venison, two wild boar and four Toulouse sausages along with a chunk of Stilton and ginger, my plan is to use the Toulouse sausages with the Stilton in a light pastry, do some steamed veg and have a glass of white to go with it. Oh yeah!
The shop is called Adams and here's the link, their site hasn't been updated in a year, but they're still trading. Sausage link.
Next time I go I'm bringing my camera, the phone camera would not do it justice.
They even had a motorised Santa in te window that was climbing up and down a ladder, small minds and all that.

So, after that little shopping spree I invited M+P up for a fry up tomorrow afternoon, did I mention the fat free black pudding? Got some of that as well, Paul got it for himself but didn't realise until much later that it was the wrong stuff, he wanted the one with the huge blobs of fat in it, so I got it off him, I'll have to remember to pay him in the new year although I doubt Paul will let me forget.

Right, I'm off to do some top level channel hopping, and a few cans of cider.

Chin chin.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Yes I know it's Christmas, but...

This EFIN' fool has to go.

My soon to be ex-milkman.

The guy is an obnoxious tit. Just because he's up at 2 to 3 in the morning, does that mean I have to listen to him talking to his mate?

No it fucking doesn't.

I felt pity for this fool when the company came knocking, saying that if there wasn't enough peeps to take up the round He would "probably" loose his job.

SACK THE LOUD IGNORANT FUCKER WITHOUT REMORSE !!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

"Poor old Grima's free of him at last"

These last few weeks have not been very pleasant for yours truly and it was all down to one tooth. One tooth that decided it would make it its mission to make my life a merry hell.

Job done I said.

But I wasn't going to take this lying down.
Mostly I was curled up in the foetal position , rocking back and forth in a dark room, with constant sharp pain my only companion.

Well today, after last weeks abortive attempt to remove the angry molar, we have success.

The little bastard's out of my gob and is now in tooth hell!

*manic laughter**rubbing of hands**evil stroking of goatee beard*

Here it is in it's Paper Prison, a temporary arrangement.

On my way home from the Dentists I did some shopping. I wanted something shiny to play with as a reward for being a brave little boy who didn't cry when the nasty Dentist lady put the worlds biggest pair of pliers in my mouth and started to twist my head off.
I settled on a DVD (Shrek 3) and some iTunes vouchers for myself and a little something for the tooth*evil grin to self*.

Here's the little blighter just before he was put in his new home

This is his new home

But wait! Ho NO! His new home has suffered some terrible flooding, things are looking bad for Molar, the flood wasn't any old flood.

It was a flood of a certain well known soft drink, disaster.

Oh well, can't be helped.

I hope it likes the stuff because that's all it's getting. Until such time as I see fit to put it out of it's misery using these

In the meantime...


The anaesthetic has worn off (only two needles this time) but it doesn't hurt anywhere near as much as it did and the best part is it's going to get less and less in the next couple of days, hurahh for evil Dentist lady.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

I love my MacBook Pro, but...

Ash, dude you need to do this test.

I was honest in every answer and still scored higher than I thought I would.

28%How Addicted to Apple Are You?

Looking for payday loan?

Then I lied my ass off and got 98%

Some poor soul...

This evening I went to a bash, the bash was for the ex-girlfriend (her 40th) of a mate. It was a hot topic weather he would turn up, he did (late as usual), he had finished with her the week before. She was married to a matlot before and so could give as good as she would take. And so all was sweetnes and light with them.

Some poor soul is the woman who was given VERY BAD ADVICE, by a friend. That advice being that I LIKED her.
The poor soul has been labouring under a misconception.

I'll chat to her, I'll give I.T. advice across platforms and I will be pleasant. But I'm sorry I can never like her more than a friend.

I have felt nothing but DREAD each time she has sent me a text (something she does a lot) What happened to just talking to the person you want to commnicate with?!

I have tried to be distant but not rude, curt but not abrupt.

I regret to inform that tonight I had to be rude.

I basicly told her that I didn't like her at all.

Suckfest for us both.

I'm not good at relationships, especialy not the one she wanted.

I didn't enjoy it. I'm not big on winding peeps up.

She's a nice person and all that but I'm not interested.

I'm safe on this blog as she doesnt know I have a blog, I hope.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Party party

It's that time of year when the office party is upon us, just remember to drink responsibly.
Yeah right!

Here's a little test for you all.

My score is both surprising and dissapointing, but is only as high as it is because of some lucky guesses.
Anyway, try your hand at it and see what you get.

82%LUSH

Looking for payday loan?


Bottoms up.

Friday, December 07, 2007

Drinking my coffee through a straw

Today started pretty badly and stayed that way, oh woe is me.

My day started at 7am, a whole three hours after I managed to go to sleep, well I assume it was because the last time I remember looking at the clock it read 4am.
I'm a bit of a night owl/insomniac when the mood takes me, but last night was not my fault, it was one of my lower right molars, you know the one, with the crack that goes from crown to root and from fore to aft. Well it decided that it needed a bit of company, seeing as it was miserable it decided to make me miserable as well, it's been good these last couple of weeks while I waited to see the dentist again (appointment this afternoon) so she could decide whether to repair or remove it.
The damned thing throbbed all night, that is the tooth throbbed, while the weather outside turned truly nasty. Heavy rain showers mixed with hail rattling on the windows, while the wind whistled all through the night, and other Welsh hymns.
Looked like my first morning of work experience with Scientiam was going to be hard going, a lot to take in, an assignment to understand and new faces and names to get to know all thru' the haze of sleep deprivation.

Crossing the Four Bridges on foot the break in the weather that I was enjoying disappeared. The wind was coming from my right with some force, then came the rain, thin little drops at first (nothing to concern myself with) and then all of a sudden it was as if someone had turned a hose on me, I was soaked all down my right hand side! Perfect, a morning soaked down one side and steaming slightly, that'll send a good impression.
Any way, I got to the place and met up with Paul and the other TDA, whose name escapes me. They will be the two blokes I'll be shadowing for the next few weeks. I got lots of reading material, but I'm not even getting it out the bag until tomorrow I'm just too tired, in fact I just lost a few minutes while typing this.

This afternoon was the appointment with the dentist like I said, a walk thru' the park and I'm there. To cut a long graphic story short, so it doesn't reinforce the "BAD" of going to the dentist for me, after SIX shots of anesthetic in the gum, jaw and tooth root, and a womanly struggle with he pliers, I am in some considerable distress. She hasn't managed to even set the forceps correctly yet!
Mercifully she stops and tells me that he only reason I'm feeling the searing pain is that the root of the tooth is infected, courtesy of the crack/fissure in the tooth (and, thinks I, the two and a half week delay in treatment, but I keep this to myself, she's already hurt me enough for one day) and that I'll need a course of anti-biotics. The infection counters the effect of the anesthetic you see. What joy. And the cost of this dental torture? A mere £48

I now have a face that is half numb and looks like a stroke victim with half a chin that feels the size of Quagmires and as is the case in all such incidents I now have to drink my coffee through a purple bendy straw.

Soup for tea tonight then.

P.S.

The shots have worn off, oh Bob the pain!

Chin chin.

Been there.



create your own visited country map
or check our Venice travel guide

43 countries = 19%

Not bad considering some people never leave the village they where born in.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

OLPP I need your help...

This was sent to me, I don't know why or who from.
You have expended mental energy on linguistic problems for me in the past or known some one who knew the answer, so here we go again.

Can you, or some other smartypants decipher this...

CresceNet said...

Oi, achei seu blog pelo google está bem interessante gostei desse post. Gostaria de falar sobre o CresceNet. O CresceNet é um provedor de internet discada que remunera seus usuários pelo tempo conectado. Exatamente isso que você leu, estão pagando para você conectar. O provedor paga 20 centavos por hora de conexão discada com ligação local para mais de 2100 cidades do Brasil. O CresceNet tem um acelerador de conexão, que deixa sua conexão até 10 vezes mais rápida. Quem utiliza banda larga pode lucrar também, basta se cadastrar no CresceNet e quando for dormir conectar por discada, é possível pagar a ADSL só com o dinheiro da discada. Nos horários de minuto único o gasto com telefone é mínimo e a remuneração do CresceNet generosa. Se você quiser linkar o Cresce.Net(www.provedorcrescenet.com) no seu blog eu ficaria agradecido, até mais e sucesso. If is possible add the CresceNet(www.provedorcrescenet.com) in your blogroll, I thank. Good bye friend.


I got the last bit, but what is the rest of the guff?

I know you will help me as you are ABFAB.


Totally unrelated.
In the space of one day, I turned down a job offer over the phone but accepted the offer of work experience from someone else, it's the second option I would love.
It fills two of my criteria:-
  • Help youngsters get on in Engineering
  • help/teach peeps not to be gits
There are many more criteria that are all dull as dish water, so they don't get a mench.

Just spent 2 hours on Unreal Tournament 2004 (for the mac), FUCKING HELL!!
Why did I ever have a PC.

I think I have been turned to the dark side but I know who is to blame.

It's this man,


*ZAAAAPPPPP!!!*

Guurrrrgllllleeee....

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Ash I need help

Love my mac, even with its many, many faults.
Like when it sulks and the net doesn't work and the mac needs re-booting, that happens far too often.
The missing hash key.
The tetris block that does the office of the return key.
The almost invisible arrow keys.
And please tell me, what's the deal with the mouse KEY (singular)

Oh, and whatever acts as the light sensor needs deactivating, as my screen keeps going bright and dark, at times at a frequency that would induce a fit in an epileptic.


P.S. I'll turn the spell check on soon.

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Mans knitting.

You may remember some time ago that I said I'd never take up the needles...

I hope to have this jumper done by April.

I wonder what size these are?

Thursday, November 29, 2007

...something something DARK SIDE something somehing

Hi, I am speaking to you from my new computer *labored intake of breath* it's a MAC notebook pro.

 I'm in the middle of exploring it, oh how cool is that, the keyboard just light up, fab.
Ash has helped me lots already and will be doing more sterling service in the future no doubt.

It's true what the adverts say about the mac it does "just work" with the exception of 17 updates there was no tedious set up routine like there is with windows (may Bill rot). The ease of initial use could be due to the fact that it was pre-owned, some old geezer had it for a week but stuffed the credit for it, so they took it back to the shop.
Into the shop walks I, up to the mac section I go and pointing to my new toy I said " I want that one", think Little Britain.
Normally if I go thru the apple section I feel like a pilgrim in an unholy land, not this time.
It felt dirty but in a good way.


I pugged in my microsoft wifi mouse and it just worked, no need to install it, there wasn't even a delay, in and done.

I love the power lead, the little but powerful magnet connector, how many times have I needed that in the past, lots.

Did I mention I got 5% off due to it being pre-owned? no? Well I did.
But do you know what's better? Go on guess.

Give up?

I'll tell you.
Installed on the computer was microsoft office for mac, worth four effin hundred bleedin' pounds.
And I got it for free.
HOW ZARKING COOL IS THAT?!

The sound out of the built in speakers is amazing (except at the mo the spice girls are on) very rich with a nice bass line.

Just a couple of niggles.
Certain keys are not where they should be and the del key is A.W.O.L.
It has a Fn key so what does the apple and clover leaf do? I haven't been brave enough to press it yet incase the machine disappears in a puff of smoke and coloured lights.
Oh and it seems to be set on the US lexicon, not for much longer.
Here's how I know, I spell colour like that, the new machine insists it is incorrect and that if I want to make the red squiggly line go away I should omit the U, a very minor niggle.

Ash said that once I owned a Mac I would have joined the elite of computer users. I don't think thats true.

Anyway I'm off

Goodbye, peasants.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Pleasure and pain

And whacking great chunks of frustration.

Remember me being rather smug and happy about my tax rebate the other day?
Good, that was the pleasure alluded to in the title.

AND NOW FOR THE PAIN AND FRUSTRATION, read on.


It's ten to three in the morning and I've just spent a futile 4 hours trying to get my broadband modem to cooperate. The last two LED's that should be steady, indicating a strong and locked connection are flashing on and off like demented fireflies, indicating that I have NO connection.
It's the wee hour of the morning so phones are not being answered, the online help section is no help either as it wont recognise the email address THEY GAVE ME! So that I can log on and talk to a 24hr tech bod. Fuckers!

I'm typing this only because D next door didn't remove the permissions for my computers to connect to his wireless network, something I had up till 4 hours ago. Thanks D another bottle of what you fancy inbound for that.

Why didn't I just go to bed at a sensible time and sort it all out when the rest of the UK is awake?
Well I'll tell you.
At about 11:30m I decided on a hot choc and a 2 finger kitkat (from the fridge) and then once that repast had been consumed I would turn in, a plan with no drawbacks.
I had a few sips of the minty hot choc, yum, and decided to have a go at the kitkat (my favourite choc bar).
I opened the wrapper and took a bite across the two fingers, as is my wont.
There was a loud snap, not at all like a wafer biscuit covered in chocolate, but sounding more like a tooth giving way. Oh BOLLOCKS!!! FECK!!!!
It turned out that there was no wafer center just chocolate, VERY SOLID and above all else, VERY FUCKING HARD chocolate.
I used to like getting those oddities of the kitkat world, not any more *sulk*

I now have a broken and painful tooth on the left side as well as the right, fucking marvelous!
I'm sorry for the language but all I can think of at the moment is the pain that is stabbing through my head like a bloody ice pick!

As soon as it happened I decided to log on at my dentists and ebook an appointment for tomorrow.
That is when I found out that my modem had hung and that my wireless network had gone off line. I tried the laptop in the kitchen, nada. I tried the desktop in the front room, nada. I tried the wii, nada. I tried both PSP's, nothing.
The only way I could get on line was on my mobile and seeing as it's only got £40 worth of credit on it I would run out before I found the dentists site logged on and booked an appointment.
ARSE BISCUITS!!

Then through the haze of pain a thought arrived and got my attention.
What about D's wifi network, see if you can still log on to that.

O.K. I'll give it a go.
Well bugger me with a fish fork! It worked.
It worked once I disabled the LAN connection and reactivated the wireless link.
Hurrah!!

So I've made a request for treatment and hope to hear from them not long after they open.

Oh and the NHS out of hours service runs from 6pm till 9:30 at night. So the message is clear, don't have any dental adventures during the night.

Sleep is off the menu for what remains of the night as I am limited to the pain killers I can take due to a totally uninteresting and ongoing medical condition I have.
This is one of those time that I wish one of my toys was real.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop drinking


TTFN

Saturday, November 24, 2007

Thanks giving...

... we don't have that over here in Blightyland.

But what would I give thanks for?
Family, friends,good food, strong drink, pretty girls, learning something new each day, science and tech'y, Star Trek, Star Wars, Babylon 5, clean(ish) air, my small mortgage, this months pension cheque, the fact that babies look like Winston Churchill, optics (both kinds), Japan (for my gadgets), living in a country where fresh water is on tap, BOOBIES!, Hydrogen and gravity fields, living now instead of the middle ages, being able to read, Terry Pratchett, Banksy, my Wii, the ratio of distance that gives us total eclipse's (quote from beeb website "
The Sun is, of course, much larger than the Moon. It is 400 times bigger in fact, but it is also 400 times further away. So when they coincide in the sky, the Moon exactly blocks out the Sun."), Family Guy, American Dad, Futurama, Gerry Anderson, the airsoft guns I got before the change in law, the fact that I don't speak German, slightly odd women the world over who knit and even tho' I don't they let me play in their games, the internet, a purple goatee, an English summer (except this year), Malta, the wheel, fire, de-cafe tea and coffee and finally, again BOOBIES!

Friday, November 23, 2007

Six Hundred Bad Boys!

I can hardly believe my eyes, I keep reading it, over and over. No it hasn't changed since yesterday and it hasn't changed since the last time I checked, two minutes ago.
My pension cheque is up by £600, my rebate came thru', hip hip hip hooray!
Of course you know what this means don't you?
That next months cheque will be half its normal size, but that will be then and this is now.
My first ever (and probably last) tax rebate. So apart from the new slim and light PSP I have just bought, what can I blow the rest on?

Remember when Christmas used to be in the second half of December?
I ask the question because I think the date(s) has(have) changed. It's the 23rd of November and the lights are up and on in town, the shops are in full x-mas mode and the crowning turd in the water pipe is the house opposite who have their decorations up and the window dressed, at night it looks like Blackpool.
I actually like Christmas, no really I do. But I like Christmas to be at Christmas not just after Bonfire night. Isn't it supposed to be the twelve days of Christmas?

That being said, I'll have to start Christmas shopping soon.

Rant over.

Here's a question for those that know me.
Do I look like a vicar?

The Post Office seem to think I do and that my house looks like a vicarage. Again I got a delivery intended for some holy man in Seacombe, this time I was able to give it straight back to the posty, normally I'm not so fortunate.
It's not always the Post Office' fault as the address is sometimes half correct, house number, street name and post code. But not always.
I handed this latest parcel back to the postman and asked him if he was going to the vicarage with it this morning, he said yes, so I asked him if he wouldn't mind asking the vicar to tell everyone in his address book his correct address as I'm getting pissed off getting his mail and having to take it to the Post Office for re-direction only to get some of it back thu' the door the next day.

The laptop in the kitchen is not feeling very well, its hard drive is failing and I'm sure it wont be around in the new year.
I have two options open to me.

1. Replace the hard drive myself
2. Get a new laptop.

Decisions decisions.
If I go for option two, do I get the standard Microsoft loaded style or do I go for a Mac.

The reason I'm even thinking about getting a Mac is the fact that Windows® Vista© is ©®@p™. No one using it is happy with the fact that things that worked with xp don't work with vista. Those clever Americans refuse to buy it but we are getting it forced onto us whether we like it or not.
Will my programmes work with OSX if I get a Mac? Because sure as eggs is eggs, my stuff wont work with vista.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

♫Son be a dentist♫

A few days ago, my comedy tooth ache began to get the better of me, I became sad (some might say sadder) and irritable and tired. I say it was a comedy tooth ache for just one reason, it wasn't aching all the time (I could have got used to that, well almost), no that would have been too easy and merciful. The pain came at random intervals regardless of where I was or what I was doing. A sharp stabbing pain that connected the irritated nerve in my tooth to my brain via my arse, Owwy.
So I resolved to see the Dentist, my fear and loathing of Dentists (and all their many hellish instruments of torment) have me giving the word the capital letter d. But there is a tin foil wrapping to this greyest*spelling* of grey clouds, I was going to see an N.H.S. Dentist and so would not be asked to re-mortgage my house to pay for treatment.
The fact that I was taken on by any Dentist as an N.H.S. patient rather than a private one is almost miraculous. Just before leaving the R.N. I looked around for an N.H.S. Dentist and was told at all the reception desks that I would only be taken on as a private patient (Never gonna happen).
One Sunday at my M+P's I moaned that I'd never get a Dentist, just then M pipes up that she's got an appointment with her Dentist next week and while she's there she'll ask her Dentist if she will put me on her books.
I just thought to myself, aren't mum's great. Still looking after their "little ones" no matter how old they get (take note OLPP your sprogs are still going to need you well into their 60's), but the small cynical part of my brain that still smokes and swears at nuns thought, "never gonna happen, and that foolish optimism will get you no where".
Later that week mum called me and told me my appointment day and time. I asked her to repeat what she had just said, as I had something crazy in my ear that sounded like she had succeeded. She had and in spades.
One check-up later I'm now on the N.H.S. register of the Dentists, brilliant! (I think)

Back to the present, where was I? Ah yes, I remember.
I was at the training place I go to now and then and my comedy tooth ache decided to make my life interesting.
"That's IT!", thinks I and I search for the Dentists number on line so I can give them a bell and ask to be put out of my misery.
I find their web site, I find their number, I also find an on-line booking form, how efin' cool is that, less than 5 mins later and I'm done. I then check my e-mail for the auto response, it's there and tells me they will give a confirmed date and time within 24 hours, cool. I've since seen their online booking system in the practice, it's operated by a young fella and looks devilishly complicated, in a deceptively easy kind of way. Anyhoo, I'm booked in for this Friday afternoon.

This morning at the training place, I'm working on my new mobile blog (I'm not supposed to be in 'till the afternoon) and my phone rings, I check the caller, unknown.
Hello. Yes, speaking. Oh really, I'll see you in 20 minutes. Good morning.
They had had a cancellation at the Dentists and could do me today instead of Friday, this morning in fact.
What joy.
I normally have some lead time before going to the Dentists, time to psych myself up and to find my happy place. No such bloody luck this time, oh crapppppp!

I'm now there and waiting in the first floor waiting room, with my back to the door I was to go thru' , I didn't know this at the time though. I have 10 mins to wait, this turns into 25 mins, I don't mind. While I wait, twiddling my thumbs and sweating profusely on this crisp autumnal morning, I hear the sounds of a small girl quietly sobbing and in some obvious distress and discomfort. It's coming from behind the door that I have my back to and all I could think of was, Poor little kid. Then all the wrong memories from my past come to the surface, oh craaappp!
shutupshutupshutupshutup.
Marathon man, Little shop of horrors, a string of anonymous Dentists hiding behind their masks, the surreal trip to the Dentist on H.M.S. Invinsibe when the ship was at action stations and the Dentist wore overalls and an anti-flash hood.
ihavetogetoutihavetogetoutihavetogetoutihavetogetout

The door behind me opens and a small girl is lead out by her mum and being told that she had been a very brave girl, thoughts I shared.

A few mins later the door opens again and I hear my name called.

Ask not for whom the drill whines, it whines for thee!

I have commanded men in battle but nothing ever prepares me for the Dentist's chair

I'm 8 years old again.


It is as one of Hercules' efforts that I get hold of myself and I'm told to sit in the chair, thank bob thinks I as I was close to collapsing into it any way.

Dentists don't wear masks for hygiene, no, it's so we can't identify them in a line out.
This one is female, slim, late thirties, light brown hair (hi lighted), piercing blue eyes, 5' 11" and wearing a light blue mask with white edging.

Now the unpleasantness starts. First she asks me to face her, open my mouth as wide as I can (the wide mouth frog joke runs thru' my mind just then), relax. She then sticks me with a bicycle pump with a size 10 knitting needle attached in the back of the lower jaw, right hand side. Do Dentists get special oversized stainless steel hypo's?

Efin' long story short. There was a small amount of decay but not enough to be causing all this gyp. So what is going on?
The tooth is cracked down the centre from front to back. That will be the peppered steak I had two weeks ago, or the small bit of chicken bone that I tried to chew during my last meal in the RN. I'm going for option 2.
I have a temporary filling and have to go back in two weeks, the decision will then be made to either remove the tooth or to attempt a repair.
I can hardly wait, I'm so giddy with anticipation I could just shit.
And what was the cost of this dental abuse? A mere £15.90. Bob bless the N.H.S.
Of course it would have been free had I have been an illegal immigrant.

Excuse me, I have to go supress some memories with the aid of some strong drink.

TTFN.

Angry entry

Thanks Ariva, you dicks!

The bus company that likes to provide a service that bears very little relation to the timetables that they post around the Wirral. There should be a disclaimer on all their timetables that states, "All times are acurate at time of printing, +/- 25 mins or if the drivers can give a fuck, so up yours commuter."

This company is costing me a fortune in the taxi fares it's costing me to get to the training base each day.

Why don't they amend the time tables to reflect the reality of the bus service they provide? Bastards!

I'd write to them to complain if I thought it'd do any good, but I'd probably get a visit from the rozzers for threatening and abusive behaviour.

The day has not been going well as it is, but more on that later, I just needed to rant a little.

TTFN

Monday, November 12, 2007

I may loose my account over this...(not any more)

...but I have to do it. If I was Stan Smith there would be no difference. (Except I'm not a, stem-cell research hating, right-wing, bible bashing, , xenophobe)
I'll delete this in a while, honest.

As you can see, I deleted the vid.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Breakfast with Ed (Blogstalker 8)

Breakfast is a meal that doesn't always happen in the world of Ed these days.
When I was in the RN I'd have breakfast every day, due to the fact that I was up early to go to work. The repast was normally a cooked one, scrambled egg, sausage, bacon and baked beans, two rounds of toast (with Marmite) and a glass of fresh orange juice. This was a Monday to Friday deal, 07:00 doesn't exist on Saturday or Sunday as far as I know, but lunchtime does.

Now I'm a full time civy and taking a break from work, breakfast is a hit and miss affair, sometimes it happens and some times it doesn't.
Most days see me rising at a time of day that if I where to eat anything, it should be called brunch.
Today is different.
It's a Saturday and I'm up and about before 8am. (Is the bed on fire?)*
So here is what I have for breakfast nowadays...
...oatabix and a big cup of coffee.

* I remember when I was little during the general strikes back in the mid 70's, there was a series of rolling blackouts.
I wasn't fond of the dark, so one night my mum put a candle in a jar and left it on the mantelpiece in the bedroom. What she didn't realise was that the candle would melt the plastic of the jar,oops.
A little while after I had fallen asleep I awoke coughing, I got out of bed and sleepily walked down the stairs into the front room and matter of factly announced to anyone who was listening that the bed was on fire.
All hell broke out and I remember a string of pots, pans and bowls of water being rushed up stairs.
Great days...

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Li'l ol' me...(Blogstalker7?)

A few years back, I scanned into the computer hundreds of family photos, I'm fairly selective about me and photographs, so only a few managed to make it out of the box and on to the hard drive.
There where no phots of me as a baby, but lots from toddler upwards. Here is one from my days in nursery, I'm the abnormally tall freak in the foreground, I loved playing in the water.


And here's one of the whole class

I was big for my age.

Chin chin.

Spot on...

You Are Bert

Extremely serious and a little eccentric, people find you loveable - even if you don't love them!

You are usually feeling: Logical - you rarely let your emotions rule you

You are famous for: Being smart, a total neat freak, and maybe just a little evil

How you live your life: With passion, even if your odd passions (like bottle caps and pigeons) are baffling to others

Friday, November 02, 2007

Wzzat, Who's there!?

The time, 06:30

My bedroom door creaks open, with a noise worthy of any good horror movie, thoughts run thru' the woolly nogin:-

  • It can't be me I live alone
  • BLOODY HELL I'M BEING BURGLED!!!
In a flash I'm bolt upright in bed, half a second later I'm yanking the door open (ready to kill whatever is on the other side of the door).
Nothing there.

I now go on a tour of the house, checking all the rooms, lights on, lights off, anyone going by must have thought a very small and nimble disco had broken out.
I'm home alone.

What the hell made the door do that? May as well get up seeing as I'm wide awake and upright anyway.
Just as well this didn't happen the other day, you know, Halloween an' all that.

Another wyred thing is what happens in the front room of an evening while I watch the boob tube.
There are times that I get the feeling that there's a small person watching the tv from the front room door, odd that.

Just as well I don't believe in ghosts. I'm totally with the idea of, to quote Bezzie,
"I kind of think they might be energy remnants of dead peeps."
I've got to get a multi meter and make some sort of tri-corder to see if they're real.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Randomness during an H&S exam

Hi peeps,
I'm at that Scientiam place again today, you know, to do some more "get you back to work" training.
Ha! The laughs on them, cuz I don't wanna work.

I was supposed to be in a lecture/role play about interview techniques to day, BUT, there was an opportunity to do another health and safety qualification and in order for me to be entered for the exam I had to sit and pass 2 mock exams. It's all multi guess anyway, it's not rocket science. This one is aimed at getting you the basics needed to be safe on construction sites, not that I'm going into construction that is. No it's just another nice to have certificate.
There are loads of levels and areas of engineering and construction to do the exams at but we are only getting the basic one payed for (better than a kick in the bread tray), so I did three dummy exams and got 37/40, 36/40 and 40/40, bored now.
I know I'll do one at manager level, Hmmm, oh dear, how embarrassing 26/40 (FAIL!).
Right lets see if I'm still clued up as a supervisor for my last job, hmmm, really? hmmm, OH! 38/40, yep I still got it.

So that went swimmingly.
Ah, but I haven't told you about the randomness yet.
You know those little symbols that sit at the bottom of the screen next to the clock, the Q for quick time, the volume icon, network icon and the rest, well when I turned this computer on (I'm still at the place but it's OK it's lunch time), I watched with only half an eye on what was going on, you know, as all the little icons start to appear as their programs become active and as the network connection is established, there goes the messenger icon. Ah at last it's booted up and the hour glass has dissapeared from the pointer, right lets put the CD in the drive and start these dummy tests.
I'm on about question 7 on the first test when the conversation bar starts flashing it's head off, wtf? so out of curiosity I look at it and the name is just a load of random letters and symbols, but hidden among all this mess you could just make out the words "having a baby girl" and "gobsmacked" and "lol", as I watch it dissapears back to the system tray. I think, "Some people don't so much mangle the English language, it's more like sneaking up behind it and beating the crap out of it."
Any way next question, "What colour is a 110v ac plug?", it's yellow isn't it?
Messenger box does it's nut again, but this time I click on it, well it'd be rude to ignore it a second time.

If I thought their on-screen name was an affront to the language, their conversation was worse, it was text speak! Oh gods this girl has to be under 20 (or at least mentally). She got it into her head that the last person to use this shared computer was on line, but when I tried to tell her I wasn't who she thought I was, she then decided I must be some boy called peter (I left off putting the capital P there because she did).
"No, please try to understand. I'm not jamie or peter, I'm Ed and I'm in the middle of an exam."

"wot u is teecher thn"

(silently WHAT?!)"No, I'm one of two people in this computer room sitting online exams, the young man opposite me is called Elliot, and we're both doing the same exam and we don't know the peter or jamie you speak of."

"na its u pete"

"Look I'm a 41 year old ex service man who is doing a retraining course at a place that helps the unemployed get a job."

"pis of its u jamie"

"Seriously I'm not either of those two lads, and would you happen to know the correct method of lifting a box from above head height to the floor?"

"fuck off ur at scul and ur 41? and ur nt the teecher?

"Correct, look I have to go, bye now."

And I logged out.
A little while later I decided to mess with her head and logged back on briefly, but didn't type anything, I got this response.

"fuck you jamie it is you, but if its pete miller wants to chat"

I just laughed and logged off.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

A typical day

Get up at the crack of noon.
Mooch about a bit, have something to eat.
Huge mug of de-caf.
Feel like crap*
Go to bed.

*The last week has seen yours truly become infected with a nasty little cold. It started out as just a man sniffle, something a woman would hardly notice.
Then on Wednesday it became a man cold.
But today I am forced to upgrade it to full blown man flu.

Today is the great south run in Portsmouth and K from down south is running in it to raise money for Marie Curie, but she's running with a cold and it's supposed to be bucketing down in the Pompy area today, poor thing.

Nothing particularly blogworthy has been happening in the world of Ed lately, except that the tax man recalculated the amount of tax I pay on my pension. For the last 6 months I've been paying too much tax. So my tax code was recalculated and sent out to me and behold, nothing changed.
Shit!
I'm going to phone them back next week, after my head stops feeling like it's stuffed with cotton wool.

I think I'll risk it and have a lemsip, then put the heating and the fire on and channel hop for a while.

Chin chin.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Sunday, October 21, 2007

You're all mad, you do know that?

You know who you are.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Blog stalker #5

The assignment is supposed to be an interesting statue.
Well this is interesting in a "Feck that's ugly!" kind of way.
I could have taken the pics of this in better light on a sunnier day, but I'm afraid this waste of metal and money doesn't deserve it.
Click on the pic for the large version and just look at it for a few moments, then imagine yourself as a small child who has been naughty, now imagine your parent(s)/guardian saying that if you didn't stop being naughty then your punishment will be to visit the prom at New Brighton!


When I was a kid there used to be a huge fun fair and an open air swimming pool in New Brighton and going even further back there was a smaller version of Blackpool tower, a go-cart track and a pier. But all those things are gone now.
The pool was removed because it would cost too much to repair the damage caused by the river undermining it. And the "funfair" is more like a collection of slot machines in various guises, rides that are fun don't generate enough money.
Welcome to New Brighton entertainment HELL!!!

But that statue is only No 3

This next piece is not truly a statue as it's a little on the large side and isn't truly art as defined by most people, oh and it serves a practical purpose unlike art. And for those modern and conceptual fans, I don't want to here about your crack pot (crack head) ideas of what is art in the 21st century. People like Tracey Emin deserve being whipped naked thru' the streets of Aberdeen.
Anyhow I give you Fort Perchrock Lighthouse...


The light house has been automated for ages and so no one stays there, but a few years back it was hired out to newly weds for the honeymoon night, I don't know if that still happens tho'.
Any how this sentinel of the Mersey has made it to the number two slot.

So what is number one?

Staying with a nautical type theme, this next statue (and this next one is) is of "Mother Redcap" and two of her helpers.
Here is a clip from a longer text on smuggling in the North West of England...

Engraving of Liverpool
The port of Liverpool in the 19th century. Click picture to enlarge

NORTHWEST ENGLAND

According to a revealing customs report dated 1750...

'Smuggling into the coasts around Liverpool ...is generally from the Isleman (sic)...in small boats that never appear on the coast but fall in with the land just in the dusk of the evening, that by their observations they may run in the night time into the place intended for the discharge of their goods where persons are always ready to assist and convey them to a proper place of safety...' [216]

One such place of safety was undoubtedly a Wallasey pub called Mother Redcap's , which stood 'on the promenade between Egremont and New Brighton ferries'. At that time Wallasey was wild and desolate:

Wirral up to the middle of the 18th century was a desperate region. The inhabitants were nearly all wreckers and smugglers — they ostensibly carried on the trade or calling of fishermen, farm labourers or small farmers...Then for smuggling: fine times the runners used to have in my young days. Scarcely a house in North Wirral that could not provide a guest with a good stiff glass of brandy or Hollands — Formby was a great place for smugglers. [217]

That part of Wallasey was separated from the rest of Wirral by a tidal pool, so the pub was more or less free of unwanted observers on the land side.

Mother Redcap's was riddled with storage places, and was stoutly defended against attack: the door was five inches thick, and heavily reinforced, and the windows had shutters in a similar style. A customs officer who succeeded in entering the door could be precipitated into the cellar via a trapdoor on the threshold: forcing the door released a catch that opened the trapdoor.

Opening the front door closed off the entrance to one of the rooms, so visitors unfamiliar with the layout of the pub would either walk upstairs, or into the north room, unaware of a second ground floor room to the south. Numerous other hiding places were concealed in a well and in the chimney breast.

The proprietor of the Inn, Mother Redcap herself, was said to be 'a comely, fresh-coloured Cheshire-spoken woman...a great favourite with the sailor men'. The inn was popular not only with smugglers, but also with lonely revenue men, who, to avoid suspicion, were entertained with the same hospitality as any other customer. This sometimes caused difficulties:

They were thus installed on one occasion when the smugglers were desirous of getting a cask of rum or some other merchandise away from one of the hiding places, but were prevented by the unwelcome presence of the officer. So it was arranged that one of the smugglers was to creep down to the shore from the Moor, and lie down in his clothes in the water, at the edge of the receding tide. The attention of the solitary officer at Mother Redcap's was called to the supposed body which had been washed ashore, and he made his way to it as quickly as possible. He had removed the watch, and was going through the pockets when the corpse came to life, sprang up, and laid out the surprised officer. By the time he had come to, the rum had been removed from Redcap's, and started its journey to the moss. No blame could be attached to the 'drowned man' who said he was walking along the shore, when he must have had a fit, for the next thing that he became aware of was that he was lying in the sand with his pockets being rifled. [218]


There used to be an inscription around the base but that was nicked almost instantly. The statue sits between a McD's and another shop in the small shopping centre in Liscard village. By rights it should be nearer the old site of Mother redcaps. Anyhow it's my favourite local statue.


And now as promised (lots of times) here are two pictures of the LYS near where I live and as you can see they're all geared up for Halloween.

I did have a couple of pictures of some coloured wool in the window but when I got home to edit the pics I had took that day, the wool was out of focus, I must remember to switch to manual when photographing through glass. Ho Hum.

I have Lately re-installed "Oblivion" on the laptop in the kitchen and as a result am finding it difficult to get things done. This time though I'm cheating my way to the top. My avatar looks like a Syth Lord and can kill with the lightning out the finger tips gag. I haven't used my sword in ages, cool.
Anyway got to dash, more bad guys to electrocute, dontcha know.

TTFN

Friday, October 12, 2007

Nobby, read this, you'll love it

http://twopalms.blogspot.com/2007/09/he-made-what.html

Love and Hate...

Well isn't that a question and a half?
What do I love.
What do I hate.

It would be easy to say the obvious. So family, little dogs/cats/baby's/the 1:infinity tax person who is actually helpful. They are all in the NO LIST.

What do I/WE hate, after all we are pack animals at heart.

Tricky!

Hmmm.

I hate bugs that are smaller than my hand!
Dentists can all roast in hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(look I don't drive, but) Parking Nazis/traffic wardens (the world is a horrible enough place without those Goons!)
And trust me I could go on but 3 is the imposed limit(damn!)

Now onto the things I hate.....

what?

I've done that already?

you sure?

oh heck



Three things I (are you sure about this) like/love.

1. Knowing why the sky is blue
2. Being able to breath in and out unaided.
3. CH3CH2OH

Next.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Blog stalker

What is the fourth question?

Thursday, October 04, 2007

I'm a card, I'm a card. What kind of card am I?

I was over at Dulcedosa's blog and thought this was kind of odd in an interesting spooky kind of way. While her card is Death, mine is something a little less dramatic...


You are The Hierophant


Divine Wisdom. Manifestation. Explanation. Teaching.


All things relating to education, patience, help from superiors.The Hierophant is often considered to be a Guardian Angel.


The Hierophant's purpose is to bring the spiritual down to Earth. Where the High Priestess between her two pillars deals with realms beyond this Earth, the Hierophant (or High Priest) deals with worldly problems. He is well suited to do this because he strives to create harmony and peace in the midst of a crisis. The Hierophant's only problem is that he can be stubborn and hidebound. At his best, he is wise and soothing, at his worst, he is an unbending traditionalist.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.




That girl needs to slow down, not a little but a lot.

Those who know me and read this but who never leave a comment, please de-lurk and leave a comment. The question is this, did the computer get the right card for me?

This is where I find that none of my family read this blog.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Blog stalker #3- How do I get about...

This wont take long, trust me.

I mostly get about on these....
but sometimes I use one of these...


and every once in a while, when I need to travel hundreds of miles, this is how I get there...


If it's raining and I need to do a big shop then I make a phone call and beckon one of these...



but if it's not raining and I want to go somewhere local, I sometimes resort to this...


but of late it has started to feel like one of these...

But mostly I get from A to B on these...


TTFN
----------------
Now playing on Windows Media Player: arctic monkeys - a certain romance
via FoxyTunes

Monday, October 01, 2007

A visit to see Niece #1

This is a bit of an epic, you may want to get a drink, there are lots of pictures to click on, have fun.

Big sis and M where going up to Lancaster to see K (the freshman) on Sunday and asked if I'd like to tag along.
Having nothing better to do and wanting to see K and her new stomping grounds I took Big sis and M up on their offer.
The drive up to Lancaster was quicker than I expected and the weather was less than spectacular, but at least I wouldn't need the coat I had in my rucksack
And as you can see there is a torch in the net, like I said I always carry a torch when I'm travelling, you never know when you'll need one.

One thing I can say about Lancaster is it's quite hilly, K will be a lot fitter by the time she graduates. No matter where you are in the place you're on a hill and given the choice of either up or down.
And considering it was a Sunday town was quite full
Seeing as it has just gone 12 noon we decide to get a bite to eat, unfortunately it's in Mac Donald's, I'd have preferred Burger King or at a push a sandwich from Sayers or Greggs, ho hum.
You'll notice though, that the shop (they're NOT restaurants) isn't as gaudy as the ones you find elsewhere, it's almost as if they tried to make it blend in with the rest of the stone buildings surrounding it.
I had a Big Mac™ meal.

We do a circuit of the town, it's a lot smaller than I had imagined and doesn't take too long to walk around, here are some views of the town...
While we walk around the town I see that they have a Victoria monument in a square in front of the town hall, but we're going in the wrong direction, not a problem as I'll get to see it later once we've been to see the castle.
A castle! Brilliant! I haven't been to a castle since I was about 14, this day is getting better and better. But like most castles it's on a hill, OK around here it's on a bigger hill. Onward and upward...
On the way we pass this cross
and here is the Lancashire rose at its base (a red rose for Lancashire and a white one for Yorkshire).
Anyway, onwards once again
What was the name of that street again?

And now for the smallest building with the thickest tiles I have seen in quite a while...

Just next door is a fine example of an early free hospital

Anyway, behind me and up the hill just a bit more I can see the castle, I can't wait to start walking around it and asking the curators all sorts of damn fool questions.
Hang on a minute, some thing's not quite right here, if I could just put my finger on it, hmmm.
The doors are shut, that's what's wrong. The entrance must be through a postern. Here's a look at the figure 2/3 up and set into the wall.
No, things are still not right here, what does that sign on the left hand side of the entrance say? I'll have to get closer.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE TAKING THE PISS!
It's a smegging prison!?
Bloody cons in this country are pampered as it is, now they're living in grade 1 listed buildings and stopping the general public from looking around it's heritage. It's just not fair.
So as I stand there thinking really bad thoughts, there is a rattling of keys in the little door, the door opens and a bloke with a huge grin on his face steps through the door and the prison guard behind him wishes him good luck before closing and locking the door.
I think that if I ever get sent down for anything, I'll ask if I can be sent to Lancaster castle.

It's not a complete washout, there is a walk way around the out side taking you to the rear of the quite small castle and to a church.
And just in case there is any doubt about who all the castles in the UK belong to there is a small sign just above head hight.
Below is the walkway from below, you go from right to left and on down the steps.

and now for a close up of the fountain, fitted to celebrate queen Victoria being on the throne for 50 years (one hell of a potty break).
and here's the church
In the next picture you can see the Lake district
Can you see it?

Anyway, at the back of the church is an overgrown footpath that will take us down to the river and back around to town.
About half way down we come across this sign...
COOL!
Here we have the foundations of the Roman bath house, this is fantastic, I've only ever seen them in books or on the tv
This is all there is and it's behind a rusty fence, oh and the board explaining the archaeology is hidden from view by the overhanging branches of a tree and the 4 foot tall grass, grass that's buzzing with even more airborne insects than the rest of town.
You sort of get the feeling that it was only discovered when they where digging the foundations of the concrete monstrosity that squats over it, regard...
If I had my way I'd tear that building down and develop the site as a heritage site. Some town planners just need shooting.

Off we go again, this time in a downwards direction...
at the bottom of this path is a small river, no pictures of that though, well once you've seen one small river, you've seen 'em all.
But here's a signpost for you all to enjoy...
And of course no trip to Lancaster whilst visiting Niece #1 would be complete without a trip to ...
...so that Big sis and M can make sure K has some more supplies, more free food for the impoverished student, aren't dad's great.

Once out of the supermarket we head straight to halls...

...so that K can put the shopping away and get the frozen stuff into the fridge. Niece #3, N, came with us as well, so after the shopping had been put away N&K catch up and do each others hair while the grown-ups go for a bimble. I want to see the Victoria monument and Big sis and M want to find a decent hotel. On the way back into town we have to pass the monument, we're taking a different route than the one we took earlier.
Here's the monument.
and now from the front
As you could see there are some friezes around the base, here they are for your pleasure (and mine)...
but in this next one you can see where some wags have scraped the oxide away or used chalk in certain areas giving some of the people moustaches, including Florence Nightingale and some poor chap has been given horns. The little tykes.
So we've seen the queen and now we have to find a hotel. We find one and go in to check it out, well Big sis and M do, I just follow on behind just looking at stuff. They start talking to the receptionist and I continue to look around me, place looks nice. I can't remember the name of the place because of what I next see sitting at the end of the counter, something in my head goes "Fizzzzt!"
A bloody Christmas tree!
(checks the month on the paper in the lobby, just in case the front door was the Guardian on the edge of forever, no it's still September 2007)

Come on! we haven't even had Halloween yet!
Or bonfire night .
The fact that retailers (and small groups of nut jobs), keep bringing important festival dates forward each year in order to squeeze yet more money out of the general public, well it just presses all my buttons and grinds my gears.
I start to splutter indignantly and can't help the expletives that get past my teeth. The shops have had the Halloween stuff out for the last 3 weeks as it is, what's next Easter eggs in july, get them early, avoid the rush!
GITS!

Anyway, big breaths (yeth and I'm not even thixteen yet), I'm calm again and we're walking down the road when M points this out to me...

All that's down there is this closed coffee house and here's the ally from the next street...
But this next one had me gasping for breath in between snorts and giggles...
And in this next one you would think that the holiday company Thomas Cook would think of moving.
It's nearly time to go home and so we head back to halls to pick up N and say goodbye to K.
On the way we come across this pub
You'll notice the brass plaque and the scroll like thing on the right. The building is reputed to be one of the most haunted places in England...

We say our goodbyes, drive off and promptly get lost.

We got home eventually.

TTFN